Well, gosh, after two weeks at the beach I should still be flying high! Actually, I am really struggling with sadness. I feel the loss of family. I feel the loss of place. I think I even feel the loss of purpose that came with being a teacher for so many years. Why now???
I am in transition. Looking back over my life, I know that transitions have never been easy. Some came more easily than others, but truly they required personal adjustment and more importantly, faith. Faith that my children will be happy and fulfilled. Faith that my ineptitude at money management won't leave me destitute in my old age. Faith that who I am won't be damaged by time and circumstance to the point that no one will want to be around me.
Melancholia - such a more comforting word than depression, I think. It runs through both sides of my family like good skin and poor feet! Without faith, I don't stand a chance of making these transitions successfully. Constantly second-guessing myself, wasting time, postponing activities that will make me happy, worrying about circumstances that I have no control over; it's all there every day, waiting to bring me down.
Why is it so hard to remember all of the things we have to be thankful for and only dwell on the uncertainties instead?
I love this wonderful place where we live. I love my family. We have been blessed with the most precious grandchild. I have a few good friends who truly care about me. I have an amazing husband who loves me after all of these years together. I have absolute faith in God and the promise of eternal life through the gift of His son, Jesus.
So,beaches.....I have so many wonderful memories of being at the beach from both my childhood and my married life. Memories of being carefree, being in love, being young, giving the same memories to my children. Perhaps there was also the realization of just how many changes I have already weathered. I pushed the memories to the back of my mind until now, where they have jumped full-blown to my conciousness. Change..... transition..... uncertainty.... DEAL WITH IT....Faith! Be thankful and express it. Get up and get moving. Don't wallow in uncertainty and indecision. Give the people you love credit for loving you back! The ones that don't, will be replaced by ones who do. Give God credit for doing what He says He will do. Move on....