What a dumb time to start another entry... I have four minutes before I must get up and get going for the day. Patrick is still asleep; and so are his dad and grandpa. It is just Mom and Grandma who is up (she wrote with a smile=).
Actually, it's the role thing that I want to write about. You know, daughter, wife, mom, etc. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say I want to write about the person who occupies those roles. Where is she?
The older I get, the less I think about who I was when I was young. This, I am coming to believe, is a major mistake. Because many of the things in life that made me a happy person as I was growing up, are things that I don't do any more. So am I still that person I started out as? I really do want to be that happy and stress-less again. So how do I find her? Is she gone forever?
Change.... when it happens gradually, we hardly notice; we just keep moving. Always dealing with the events of daily life, some happy, some not so much. But with little time or energy left over to play outside, read for fun, draw or write; I forget how to just do. Now that there is time, will I able to get out of my rut and find the joy of so much I left behind? I feel the need to try.
I will make a promise to push myself toward recovering lost joys. To push toward being happy as I pry myself out of complacency.
I love my family. I love my life. But I could be happier and more content with just a little effort and some change.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Truly Living Our Life - Some Quotes
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light from within.
~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross ~
~~~~~~
If there were ever a time to dare, to make a difference,
to embark on something worth doing,
it is now.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily,
but for something that tugs at your heart,
something that's your aspiration,
something that's your dream.
You owe it to yourself to make your days here count.
Have fun.
Dig deep.
Stretch.
Dream big.
~~~~~~~Faith...
When you come to the edge of all the light you have,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught how to fly.
~ Patrick Overton ~
~~~~~~
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur
when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort,
that we are likely to step out of our ruts
and start searching for different ways
or truer answers.
~ M. Scott Peck ~
(More to be added as I search.)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Understanding and Accountability
There is a very fine line between understanding a problem and then making excuses for why the problem exists.
As a teacher, I always wanted to know if students had learning issues. SLD, ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, processing/ordering/ visual/ auditory, etc. If you want a child to succeed, you must know their needs so you can use the best strategies to facilitate learning. Did I require less quantity and quality sometimes for one student than I did for the majority? Yes. I expected what I thought was reasonable and doable for that student, at that time. But sometimes, a student would refuse to put forth the effort to learn, no matter what I did. Did he fail? Yes. Did I fail? I don't think so. Learning requires participation from both parties.
Traveling life's road, we owe it to ourselves to look at our own issues; not only for ourselves, but for those we love. Thankfully, there are educators along the way to help us. Friends, family, counselors, books, internet.... can all be part of the process. But we must be willing to explore our issues. And this often means exposing ourselves to painful realities of who we are or have become.
Alcoholism runs rampant through both sides of my family. That is a fact that I have been keenly aware of all of my life. I am very sensitive to my own enjoyment of wine, beer, and other types of alcoholic beverages. My guard has always been up.
But there are other traits and tendencies I have found wandering through my family tree as well. Traits that were not so obvious, but could bring you to your knees just as readily as alcohol - and did. Depression, other addictive behaviors, lack of focus/drive, the 'somewhere over the rainbow' syndrome. They are all sprouts on my tree.
The longer I live, the more I am sure that God doesn't expect us to be perfect. But He does expect us to learn from our mistakes. He expects us to do the best we possibly can with what He has given us. It goes back to being aware and putting forth effort. Being aware of what His expectations are; putting forth the effort to make changes that need to be made. I believe that He will hold me accountable for how I lived my life. So, can I not do so as well? I must continue the process, until my time runs out.
I know that God loves me. He loves me enough to hold me accountable for who I am and how I live out my time here on earth. I'm glad He doesn't make excuses for me... I want to get past my faults and failings and be a blessing to those I love.
As a teacher, I always wanted to know if students had learning issues. SLD, ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, processing/ordering/ visual/ auditory, etc. If you want a child to succeed, you must know their needs so you can use the best strategies to facilitate learning. Did I require less quantity and quality sometimes for one student than I did for the majority? Yes. I expected what I thought was reasonable and doable for that student, at that time. But sometimes, a student would refuse to put forth the effort to learn, no matter what I did. Did he fail? Yes. Did I fail? I don't think so. Learning requires participation from both parties.
Traveling life's road, we owe it to ourselves to look at our own issues; not only for ourselves, but for those we love. Thankfully, there are educators along the way to help us. Friends, family, counselors, books, internet.... can all be part of the process. But we must be willing to explore our issues. And this often means exposing ourselves to painful realities of who we are or have become.
Alcoholism runs rampant through both sides of my family. That is a fact that I have been keenly aware of all of my life. I am very sensitive to my own enjoyment of wine, beer, and other types of alcoholic beverages. My guard has always been up.
But there are other traits and tendencies I have found wandering through my family tree as well. Traits that were not so obvious, but could bring you to your knees just as readily as alcohol - and did. Depression, other addictive behaviors, lack of focus/drive, the 'somewhere over the rainbow' syndrome. They are all sprouts on my tree.
The longer I live, the more I am sure that God doesn't expect us to be perfect. But He does expect us to learn from our mistakes. He expects us to do the best we possibly can with what He has given us. It goes back to being aware and putting forth effort. Being aware of what His expectations are; putting forth the effort to make changes that need to be made. I believe that He will hold me accountable for how I lived my life. So, can I not do so as well? I must continue the process, until my time runs out.
I know that God loves me. He loves me enough to hold me accountable for who I am and how I live out my time here on earth. I'm glad He doesn't make excuses for me... I want to get past my faults and failings and be a blessing to those I love.
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Little Things
As I reflect on my early years, I think about why I was such a happy kid. (My late teens not withstanding!) I really had a carefree existance. Free from worry; free from meanness; free from sarcasm; free to be me. As I got older, I realized that not all kids were as fortunate as I was. Even within my extended family, some of my cousins dealt with harshness and sarcasm during the whole of their growing-up years. I'm not sure that they have ever recovered from it either. To think of living your whole life and never feeling truly happy is probably one of the worst, if not the worst, thing I can think of. The one thing I am sure of is that happiness comes from the little things in life. Yes, we need to have a few of those take-your-breath-away happy times. But true happiness comes when your daily routine brings you joy.
This morning, as I was ironing Drew's pants and shirt, I realized how I enjoyed doing this particular thing for him. If I were ironing for myself, it would be just another tedious thing like putting on makeup or fixing my hair so I wouldn't scare people. Fixing Ray's first cup of coffee and taking it to him in bed makes me happy. It also makes me happy that he does the same for me. When he cleans up the kitchen after I have been cooking and/or working all day. This makes me joyous. Remembering not to put fingerprints on the car that he so lovingly cleans, makes me happy. Love can make tedious things enjoyable at best, and tolerable at worst. Just small, ordinary, and sometimes silly efforts can make such a difference for others and yourself.
My parents were not complainers. And they were strict. They expected us to do what we were told and heaven forbid that we would ever talk back to them. They spanked us when we weren't minding if that was the only way to get our attention. The worst spanking I ever got was when my mother told my father that I talked back to her and did not do as I was told. I was about eight, and I never got another spanking after that. Honestly, I think it hurt him more (well maybe as much) as it did me. My younger sisters got fewer spankings when they got to be school age than I did. I imagine that, by then, my parents had decided that other methods were better than spanking. We always knew that they loved us though, even when they didn't say it all the time. All of us girls raised our children very much the same way, except we say "I love you " constantly. I think my parents would approve.
Life is hard. But thank goodness, not all of the time. If you look at your life and all you see is hardship, boredom, defeat, unfulfillment, regret; you will be miserable. There is not one person on this earth who has a life devoid of any of those things. The difference is in your perspective. The glass being half full or half empty metaphor has been used to death, but it does get the point across. You must choose to be happy. You must get outside of yourself and love making other people happy.
I am a genuinely solitary person. When I was growing up, my favorite things were to go exploring by myself or climb a tree and let my imagination run wild. I was never really comfortable with lots of people around. But, I did learn to be happy in groups as I got older when it became obvious that I was not going to be a nun or run away and be a hermit. Kind of ironic that I became a teacher; last thing I ever wanted to do growing up; surrounded by groups of teenagers from eight in the morning until three in the afternoon, for 34 years. And for the most part, I was very happy during my teaching career. Remarkable!
Building happiness:
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
"The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular reason for being so except that they are so."
William Ralph Inge
This morning, as I was ironing Drew's pants and shirt, I realized how I enjoyed doing this particular thing for him. If I were ironing for myself, it would be just another tedious thing like putting on makeup or fixing my hair so I wouldn't scare people. Fixing Ray's first cup of coffee and taking it to him in bed makes me happy. It also makes me happy that he does the same for me. When he cleans up the kitchen after I have been cooking and/or working all day. This makes me joyous. Remembering not to put fingerprints on the car that he so lovingly cleans, makes me happy. Love can make tedious things enjoyable at best, and tolerable at worst. Just small, ordinary, and sometimes silly efforts can make such a difference for others and yourself.
My parents were not complainers. And they were strict. They expected us to do what we were told and heaven forbid that we would ever talk back to them. They spanked us when we weren't minding if that was the only way to get our attention. The worst spanking I ever got was when my mother told my father that I talked back to her and did not do as I was told. I was about eight, and I never got another spanking after that. Honestly, I think it hurt him more (well maybe as much) as it did me. My younger sisters got fewer spankings when they got to be school age than I did. I imagine that, by then, my parents had decided that other methods were better than spanking. We always knew that they loved us though, even when they didn't say it all the time. All of us girls raised our children very much the same way, except we say "I love you " constantly. I think my parents would approve.
Life is hard. But thank goodness, not all of the time. If you look at your life and all you see is hardship, boredom, defeat, unfulfillment, regret; you will be miserable. There is not one person on this earth who has a life devoid of any of those things. The difference is in your perspective. The glass being half full or half empty metaphor has been used to death, but it does get the point across. You must choose to be happy. You must get outside of yourself and love making other people happy.
I am a genuinely solitary person. When I was growing up, my favorite things were to go exploring by myself or climb a tree and let my imagination run wild. I was never really comfortable with lots of people around. But, I did learn to be happy in groups as I got older when it became obvious that I was not going to be a nun or run away and be a hermit. Kind of ironic that I became a teacher; last thing I ever wanted to do growing up; surrounded by groups of teenagers from eight in the morning until three in the afternoon, for 34 years. And for the most part, I was very happy during my teaching career. Remarkable!
Building happiness:
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
"The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular reason for being so except that they are so."
William Ralph Inge
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
- Portia Nelson
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
- Portia Nelson
Sunday, January 9, 2011
*
* Reminder to self: Strength is an attitude that builds upon itself. If I want to be strong physically, then I must have the strength to actively seek it. The same goes for believing in myself and my own worth as a person. Don't fall into the trap of lethargy.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Happy Days
You know, sometimes you wake up and you just know that this is going to be a good day. The worries of the day or night before don't seem so worrisome and the challenges don't seem so daunting. Looking ahead holds promise, not dread. Self-doubt takes a back seat to a feeling of confidence that this will be a day of accomplishment.
I have always tried to live in the moment, trying not to always look forward to some specific time or event. For the most part, I have been successful with that and it has helped to make me a happy, contented person. Being a teacher, there is a great temptation to looking forward to holidays... long weekends.... SUMMER! But honestly, I rarely did that. Loving where you are has a major impact on how you interact with others. That is not to say that you shouldn't plan ahead and make changes. No, just that it is hard to have a positive outlook on life if all you can think about is stuff that is "around the corner," so to speak. And I have always wanted to impact those around me in a positive way, especially my family.
My worries about my immediate family have lessened a little. Jenny and Tim are taking more time for themselves. I think they have turned a corner in their relationships with other family members and with each other. This is due in great part to how they dealt with the loss of Linda, Tim's mother. I am so proud of them both. The nagging issues I have worried about the most, have softened as I have seen them come through one of the hardest situations one deals with in life. Drew is also in a better place than he was just a few months ago. He is happy with his job; has friends and co-workers that he enjoys; and can see light at the end of the financial tunnel. As we have talked and shared our concerns and feelings about his separation, Patrick, and starting over, I see the promise of the man he can be shining in the man that he is.
Then there is us... the us that is a couple, parents, grandparents, and retirees! As individuals we are dealing with a drastic change in our everyday life. Routines that kept our lives in order are being reworked. We stumble and occasionally we fall, but thankfully we both have a sense of humor! We are more excited about the future than we are fearful. It is true that growing old isn't for sissies! But all things considered, although we are treasuring our memories, we are so looking forward to making more of them. Life goes on and we want to make the most of it.
So, there it is. A kind of day that brings a promise of happiness and a future is what I strive to have every day. Do I always succeed? Of course not. Does it matter that I try? I believe it does.
I have always tried to live in the moment, trying not to always look forward to some specific time or event. For the most part, I have been successful with that and it has helped to make me a happy, contented person. Being a teacher, there is a great temptation to looking forward to holidays... long weekends.... SUMMER! But honestly, I rarely did that. Loving where you are has a major impact on how you interact with others. That is not to say that you shouldn't plan ahead and make changes. No, just that it is hard to have a positive outlook on life if all you can think about is stuff that is "around the corner," so to speak. And I have always wanted to impact those around me in a positive way, especially my family.
My worries about my immediate family have lessened a little. Jenny and Tim are taking more time for themselves. I think they have turned a corner in their relationships with other family members and with each other. This is due in great part to how they dealt with the loss of Linda, Tim's mother. I am so proud of them both. The nagging issues I have worried about the most, have softened as I have seen them come through one of the hardest situations one deals with in life. Drew is also in a better place than he was just a few months ago. He is happy with his job; has friends and co-workers that he enjoys; and can see light at the end of the financial tunnel. As we have talked and shared our concerns and feelings about his separation, Patrick, and starting over, I see the promise of the man he can be shining in the man that he is.
Then there is us... the us that is a couple, parents, grandparents, and retirees! As individuals we are dealing with a drastic change in our everyday life. Routines that kept our lives in order are being reworked. We stumble and occasionally we fall, but thankfully we both have a sense of humor! We are more excited about the future than we are fearful. It is true that growing old isn't for sissies! But all things considered, although we are treasuring our memories, we are so looking forward to making more of them. Life goes on and we want to make the most of it.
So, there it is. A kind of day that brings a promise of happiness and a future is what I strive to have every day. Do I always succeed? Of course not. Does it matter that I try? I believe it does.
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